This is a comedy sketch I wrote last year for a University Revue that never quite happened.
Please note: All characters to be played by women
DAMO scrolls through Instagram on his phone.
JACKO sips a protein shake and lifts a weight.
SPAZ drinks a VB and wears a tshirt that says ‘STRAYAS MOST ORDINARY RIG’.
DAMO: Amy just posted a pic of herself on insta. She is looking mighty fine if I do say myself.
JACKO: Perfect opportunity to slide into the DMs.
D: I dunno. Don’t wanna come across creepy.
SPAZ: You won’t, mate. It’s a well know fact that when chicks post a picture of themselves they want a guy to validate their appearance.
J: That sounds ’bout right.
D: I dunno…
S: Trust me. I read it on LadBible and they really know women.
D: Aight… Should I just say ‘hey’ or something?
S: Fuck no. You’ll seem like a bloody flog.
J: A gay flog.
S: Just say something along the lines of ‘dammmmn that booty fine girl’ or ‘what that mouth do’
Jacko nods approvingly.
J: Chill but still hinting you are interested
Damo types this.
The texts/DM are projected on a screen behind the boys.
He hits send.
A nervous beat
D: Oh shit! She’s seen it! She’s typing!
They all hold their breath.
The phone buzzes.
D: She says whats up?
J: aww mate! You are so in there!
Damo types again and hits send.
D: I said “chilling with the lads bc Saturdays are for the boys”
S: FUCKING OATH!
The boys then whoop, cheer, yell ‘LADS’ and punching each other extremely hard. They even sing ‘footy, beers, chicks’.
It dies down after a while.
S: Now ask what she doin’
J: Oh shit yeah. Chicks love when you pretend to care about them and shit.
Damo types again.
D: I’ll send a winky face.
Damos phone buzzes again. As he reads the message his face falls.
S: What’d she say?
D: “Just talking to some dickhead lol”
J: Is she talking to some other bloke as well?
S: Fuck that. Just ask her if she’s on period
Damo furiously types this.
The phone buzzes again.
D: She’s fucking blocked me!
The other two boys mourn the loss.
J: Well that’s just feminism for ya. Show a bit of interest in a girl and its all delete my number and stop watching me sleep!
S: Tough tits mate. But not a total loss. Chimp said she wouldn’t suck him off first date.
D: Guess so…
They are all at loss what to say.
D: No one dogs the boys tho? Gonna send her a rude message on facebook.
The three then begin yelling ‘lads’ and punching each other again.
Fade to black.
This was intended to be a humorous commentary on how lad culture and how they speak about, ultimately treat women. Let me know your thoughts – was it funny?